Introducing Bob: Bob ain’t Alpha

I’ve always liked Bob.*

When I met Bob, he was wearing velcro shoes. His wife, a decently fit and reasonably attractive woman except for atrociously short hair, and his several young children were with him. Bob turned out to be an intelligent guy and an interesting conversationalist. You could tell his family was his world. Bob had worked a low-status job while sending his wife to college, and now that she had a job that paid decently, he was working part time, taking care of the kids, and going to school so that he could eventually get a better job. The man was always positive.

Bob’s wife lost her job 2-3 times in a six month stretch, and every time he briefly resumed full-time work in addition to school and childcare until she found another job in her field. But like I said, the dude was positive. And he never saw it coming. He thought the wife was working a lot of overtime, but didn’t realize anything was amiss until she called him in the middle of the night to tell him that she wants a divorce, and oh, by the way, she’s been having an affair for a while now, and wants him to move out of the house so the boyfriend can move in, and is taking the youngest child in the morning to meet her boyfriend.

Bob isn’t a highly assertive person, but he says he’s not moving out. Wife decides to move out instead and moves in with boyfriend. Bob begins going to his priest for marriage counseling. Wife agrees to also see priest. Bob doesn’t mention to priest that wife has moved in with boyfriend, wife doesn’t either. Bob has a rough month, but doesn’t tell anyone other than his family, wife’s family, and his priest. When asked about his wife, Bob replies that she’s been very busy at work.

Bob’s wife begins showing up with boyfriend at the house and other places, taunting Bob. Bob (who likely weighs less than a buck 20) gets arrested after one of these incidents. Bob makes bail, calls priest, who arranges for him to stay with another parishioner. Bob’s bail conditions don’t prohibit him from going home, but do prohibit him from having any contact with wife. Bob realizes that if he is home and wife shows up, he will be in violation of his bail conditions and liable to be arrested again, decides the better option is couch surfing for the time being. Priest calls wife, mentions that Bob made bail, wife blows up. Bob goes to retain a criminal defense attorney, finds that his wife has drained the joint accounts. Bob has to borrow money from his parents to retain a criminal defense attorney and a divorce attorney.

Despite the fact that Bob’s life just blew into smithereens, he’s on the path to becoming a new man. Some very harsh truths that he may not have believed or accepted before have just been forced on his consciousness, and he found that some of the men who became aware of the situation were not only not surprised at things he was surprised at, but were even able to accurately predict his accounts being drained.

Many of the things I’ve learned hanging out in this corner of the internet have helped me. I hope that some of the things I’ve shared have helped others. But now I have in real life a man in front of me that needs what I’ve learned here desperately. I’ve had the chance to help some in real life, here and there, but none from the position Bob has found himself in. So pray for Bob, pray for me, and I’ll put some updates on here now and again.


*Not his real name.

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