Hear ye the parable of the puppy

Then he left the crowds and went into the house. And his disciples came to him, saying, “Explain to us the parable of the weeds of the field.”–Matt 3:36 (ESV)

Deep Strength has a post up entitled “Real-life Ruths” that is somewhat related to my post “Consider the puppy.” I’m going to share some more of my most recent experiences in the marriage marketplace, to continue to illustrate the point.

Kalli* was a slim blonde that was clearly attracted to me. I said we should purposely get to know each other to see if we would be interested in pursuing marriage, and she was all for it. We talked and asked each other questions for about 2 weeks, before she said she didn’t think we would be a good fit–after she asked me under what conditions I would be willing to become a teetotaler and give up my pipe, and I told her that I would quit drinking if I had an alcoholic in my home, but off the top of my head I couldn’t think of a good reason to give up the pipe.

On Thanksgiving weekend, a week or so after Kalli and I went our separate ways, I met a buxom blonde named Morgan at a wedding. We were both in the wedding party, and after flirting our way through the reception and going out for burritos that night, she gave me a ride to the friend’s house I was staying at. When she dropped me off, I asked her for her number. We started talking regularly, although we were in different states, and she always made time to talk to me when I called. Over Christmas, she changed phones and sent me a text with the new number. But starting in January see was often busy when I would call. I started calling less often, after after being told she was too busy to talk three times in a row, stopped calling, figuring that if she wanted to talk to me she would call or text me and say she was free. That was in May.

Earlier, at Christmastime, I had gone to visit my folks, and their pastor had pulled me aside and said that he would like me to become his son-in-law. I wasn’t sure his daughter Alyssa and I would be a good fit, but she was extremely pretty, so I called her up and told her what her dad had told me, and said I’d like to talk to her more and see if I was interested in pursuing something more. She agreed, so I was talking to her regularly too. In May, when I quit calling Morgan, Alyssa was starting to do the same thing, having less time to talk to me, which led to me calling her less. Still, I was going up to visit my folks in June, so I made plans to see her.

When we met up, she asked me if I had made a decision regarding her. I replied “Well, actually, I’ve been getting the impression that you aren’t that interested in me.” She then told me that she was getting the idea that I was the kinda guy who wanted “goats and a bunch of children,” and that she didn’t want that lifestyle. She didn’t think she wanted any children, and she definitely didn’t want goats. I said, “Well, than I don’t think there is any point in pursuing this any further.” I took her out to supper and enjoyed the evening as I had planned, and haven’t talked to her since.

While I was visiting my folks, I met Mrs. Norseman. The day after my date with Alyssa, I had the experience I previously shared where she walked 13 miles with me without me even asking her to go with me. I put my number in her phone before I left, and told her if she wanted me to have her number she’d have to text me. I had the text before I was even halfway to the airport. I called her every few days, as I had with Morgan and Alyssa. She always made time to talk, or asked me if I could call her back at a certain time when she would be free. She told me that she was always free at a particular time every day if I wanted to call her, so I started calling her more often, which very quickly became daily.

In July, Morgan finally called me. I was surprised. She said she was calling to tell me she didn’t think things were going to work out between us. I said “So you’re calling a guy who hasn’t called you in 2 months to say you don’t want to talk anymore?” She said that she wasn’t used to guys being OK with her ending things. I said “Honey, as far as I’m concerned, things ended when you were too busy to talk to me. I’m not going to kill myself to try to make a girl interested that’s not.”

I proposed to Mrs. Norseman in October, about a year after starting things with Kalli. So this story covers my last year “on the market.”

All four women had their chances. Some of them probably started with better chances than Mrs. Norseman, who was a tad heavier than my preferences when I met her. But only Mrs. Norseman was willing to put a little effort in (including aggressively losing weight). Now, maybe Kalli, Morgan, and Alyssa all deserve better than me–but they are all single as of me writing this, and the oldest one is 28. Mrs. Norseman, on the other hand, is 22 and married, and seems to be thoroughly enjoying all the privileges of married life.

If you’re a single guy, and there’s a woman who is willing to put in a little work to get you, my advice would be to overlook other things. No one is perfect–every Daughter of Eve is far from it. But the one who is willing to work will continue to become more perfect, while the one who is not willing to work will never make a step of progress.

 


*All names are changed

2 thoughts on “Hear ye the parable of the puppy

  1. Good post.

    The fact that the puppy post needs to be explained has me shaking my head.

    The fact that you asked Mrs. Norseman to lose weight and pay attention to her physical appearance will really have the henhouse clucking.

    It’s not only willingness to work. It’s also willingness to compromise.

    Kalli wasn’t willing to compromise. She wanted different things and a different lifestyle.

    Morgan showed her disinterest when she didn’t have time to talk to you.

    Alyssa didn’t want the same things as you do.

    Mrs. Norseman wanted what you wanted, and was willing to compromise and do the work. Including showing interest in being Mrs. Norseman.

    As an aside, saying that a woman should be willing to compromise and do the work doesn’t mean a man never compromises and never does work to make the marriage work.

    A man compromises mightily to make a marriage work. He shoulders enormous responsibility. He has to change around his entire life to make it work as well – he changes his lifestyle, his rising and going to bed, and what he spends his money on. He stops dating/seeing other women. If those things aren’t compromise and doing work, then I don’t know what is.

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