Be the man

I was enjoying a peaceful pipe.

One of my female subordinates walked up, lit a cigarette, and began complaining about her husband. “Every relationship I’ve ever been in, I always end up being the man, and the guy ends up being the woman. Now my husband is doing the same shit. Why do I have to be the man?”

Hmm…

“So, *Amy, what you are saying is that you want your husband to step up and be the man in your relationship?”

“Yeah. I hate being the man.”

“Then what you have to do is refuse to be anything but the woman. If he’s not stepping up and being the man, you have to leave that space unfilled, rather than stepping into it yourself. It will be uncomfortable. But eventually, he will realize that you aren’t going to fill the role and that it’s up to him to step up and fill it. Most guys are afraid to fill that role, because feminism has told them they shouldn’t want to fill it. But if you don’t, eventually he will.”

“That kinda makes sense, but how do I do that?”

“Don’t take over those things that you resent taking over. Let them fall through the cracks until he realizes it is up to him to handle them.”

“Do you really think that will work?”

“Nothing draws out masculinity like femininity. They balance. The more masculine you become, the more he will tend to become feminine. The more feminine you become, the more he will tend to become masculine. It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen. It’s how men and women were made to work. Today you don’t have many masculine men, but you don’t have many feminine women either. They go hand in hand.”

“I never heard that before, but it makes sense.”

So now I turn to my primary audience, young men. What do I expect you to gain from this conversation? It applies to you as much as it applied to Amy. Are you frustrated by a lack of femininity in the women around you? Then your job is to be more masculine. Your job is to so fully provide masculinity that the women around you feel comfortable being fully feminine.

Just as femininity draws out masculinity, masculinity draws out femininity.

Are you tired of being the woman in your relationships? Do you secretly wish that she would let you be the man? Well, I have news for you. She probably wishes you would step up and be the man. But the likelihood is that she isn’t going to run into someone in the designated smoking area that will explain to her how to make that easier for you. Instead, you are going to have to stand up and wrestle that position back. She wants you to take it back, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t going to fight it–women are weird that way. A man that needs permission to be the man isn’t really being the man. Be confident in who you were designed to be–God made you a man because He wants you to be the man.

I go the way of all the earth: be thou strong therefore, and shew thyself a man —1 Kings 2:2 (KJV)


*Not her real name.

5 thoughts on “Be the man

  1. I agree with all you’ve said here, and was hoping simply to expand one minor detail: that is, why women will “become” the man.

    Part of it is surely our curse, as in genesis. Part of it is a need for security. We would rather the man provide security, but we have been told men cannot be trusted to get things right for so long, that we assume it must be true. Even sometimes if the man has demonstrated otherwise. This is why your coworker, and many other women besides, will struggle with “letting things fall through the cracks.” We are afraid the man won’t catch it in time, and then we will be stuck with big, bad consequences. We would rather have the anxiety of dealing with it (in exchange for the “security” of knowing it is dealt with to our satisfaction) than the anxiety of not knowing it is taken care of, or that it might have been handled in a substandard (in our opinion) manner.

    To the men out there, Moose is right – she WANTS you to take that burden off her shoulders – and it is a burden. But she may not TRUST you (even if she knows, intellectually, that she should) until you demonstrate that you have it under control. It will help some if she knows that you understand her concerns (for example, when it comes to money): this will give her some security that you will “do it right”. But ultimately, it is up to you, and she will need to learn to trust you. Good luck, hope this was helpful.

  2. Moose,

    enjoying your blog quite a bit. I’m not much older than you, so I am surprised sometimes at the wisdom. However, praying for it everyday? I commend you.

    The pipe I bought on travels a few years back has become a blessing. Or rather, the few pipes I bought afterward have all contributed to that, along with a few tins of great English.

    A great poem on smoking:

    http://pipesmagazine.com/forums/topic/johann-sebastian-bach-thoughts-on-pipe-smoking

    Keep up the work, it’s making a difference.

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